Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize