i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
