she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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