How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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