ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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