I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
