We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
