Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
