That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
