Kiss
Puke
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
