I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
