When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's always time for handjobs
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
