Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
