Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
