You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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