I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
