My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
