I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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