Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize