Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
