I hate all girls vehemently.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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