so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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