I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
