Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
