I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
