No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
