I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
