I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
