You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
