He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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