i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
