Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
