I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
