Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
