Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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