I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
