I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
