theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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