my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
