can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
