you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
