my phone needs a breathalizer
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
