the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
