u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
