Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
