Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think my fart just growled at me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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