the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
