grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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