dude i'm inner monologue high
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
