Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
