there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
