i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
